We are the most forgiven people in the world. Our Saviour's self-sacrifice has paid for our crimes. Our record is clean, our status "not guilty." We are like the vastly indebted servant in Jesus' parable. Ruin seemed inevitable, yet his debt was completely written off. How is it, then, that we so easily self-destruct by following the servant in his fatal response of unforgiveness?

Lack of forgiveness infects and weakens the church. It gives worldliness a foothold, whilst Satan laughs in derision. Evangelicals are by no means immune. Most of us will know of individuals or families who have not spoken to each other in years:

• The marriage of two church members breaks down. Blame and recriminations swiftly spread, with people taking sides and shunning former friends. Hearts are frozen and the possibility of reconciliation becomes remote;
• One man is elected as a deacon, the other not. The men are magnanimous about the result, but their wives begin a long-running feud into which their families are inevitably drawn;
• A discussion rages out of hand at a church business meeting. The result: factions are formed, barriers erected, and the seeds of lasting bitterness are sown.

Occasionally we hear about a church dispute that spirals out of control and hits the press. Forgiveness seems impossible. No one is willing to risk losing face. In reality, everyone looks foolish, Satan relishes his coup, and the gospel is discredited in the minds of non-believers.
There are reasons why we find it so hard to forgive:

• Forgiveness is unnatural. It doesn't "fit" with the insatiable demands of our fallen nature. The desire for vengeance (often thinly disguised as justice), comes far more easily than does an ethic of forgiveness;
• Significant, deep and personal pain is involved. Our trust has been betrayed, our confidence shattered;
• We may have to carry the long-term consequences of the harm done to us. The middle-aged woman abused as a child by her teacher or her minister cannot forget what took place. Her relationships in adulthood may have been severely impaired by what she once endured;
• Some of us may feel the need to hold on to our pain and anger. Perversely, it may become almost a friend to us. We nurse our grudges and cherish our bitterness. Forgiveness would mean letting go of something that has become a part of us.

Of course we must beware of imitations. Forgiveness is not simply forgetting. We may indeed refer to God "forgetting" our sins. This is not some passive act of divine amnesia, but positive divine determination not to use the memory of our sins against us. This is gloriously positive. We cannot just forget on demand. What we can do is determine not to use our memory of another's sins against them. This way, we eventually will forget!

Neither does forgiveness mean excusing or condoning the wrong actions of others. It is never a fiction. The law may need to exact its due penalty. In some cases it would be unthinkable for the wrongdoer to avoid justice. Yet none of this prevents those who have been wronged from offering personal forgiveness to the one who has sinned.

To be authentic, forgiveness must be correctly applied. It should concern the wrongs that another has done to me, or that affect me directly. Some of the recent displays of "repenting on behalf of others" - for example Christians asking forgiveness from Muslims for atrocities committed during the Crusades of the Middle Ages - make little sense biblically.
If I am to honour Christ, how should I forgive?

• Fully and freely. Jay Adams says there are three vital components: I will not bring the matter up to you; I will not bring the matter up to another; I will not bring the matter up to myself.
• With pain and tears. It is never easy. Never pain-free. Doubtless that is why some of us substitute cold tolerance or the long-term nursing of a grudge.
• With understanding. This doesn't mean we explain sin away, or excuse it as "illness". Rather, it requires taking a sober look at how others behave, and then honestly asking, are we really incapable of doing something similar.
• With prayer. Dietrich Bonhoeffer said: Lord, I don't want to do this, I am not sure that I can do this.. But help me truly to forgive my enemy!

Unforgiveness does show. Those who have refused to pardon others are among the most joyless, discouraged, and unproductive members of the church. Recalling the words of Jesus (Matthew 18:35), they will likely lack assurance that their own sins are covered. We may need to pause from the frenetic pace of our lives and search our own hearts, asking the aid of the Holy Spirit. Maybe I need to approach someone and extend forgiveness to them. It could be there are those from whom I need to seek it for myself. Elisabeth Elliot clarifies our options with characteristic directness:

"You have a choice. You can either stand with Satan against that person or with Christ for that person."

Put like that, there really is no option!