My first Christmas without Sylvia

The last year has not been a very good year as Sylvia, my wife, has gone to be with our saviour in heaven. Sylvia and I were married for 55 years, and it is with sad regret that she died on 28 April. Sylvia had been unwell for many years, suffering with Parkinson's disease, but the Lord felt it was now time for her to go home. We first met when we were at school, we both grew up together and went to the same schools and also went to the London City Mission (LCM) hall in Dagenham Road, where we both became born again believers in Jesus Christ. We were baptised as teenagers at New Park Hall in Barking, Rev Claude Trigger was our minister, we belonged to both churches and went every Sunday morning for communion and ministry at New Park Hall and on Sunday afternoon we would take our Sunday school classes, on Sunday evening we would go to the LCM hall where Mr Jones was our missionary and encouraged us to read the scriptures. We helped in young people's work ‘Covenanters' and the ‘Young Sowers'. We continued to keep in touch with Mr Jones, who served the Lord as a Baptist minister in Gloucester until his retirement when he took on the role of caring for his wife who is unwell, both now live in care homes.

I know how hard it is to look after your loved one as for the last 15 years is has taken over my whole life. For the last seven years of her life Sylvia was in a care home as it became too difficult for me to take care of her on my own. I visited Sylvia every day and became a volunteer at the home helping with making the tea; I bought a keyboard and learned to play so that I could entertain the residents. The gardens were in need of attention with only shrubs, no colour from flowers so I arranged with the management to start a garden club, growing plants from plug plants and selling them to raise funds which was then used to purchase items, e.g. a bird bath, gazebo for shade – we raised £400 in the first year.

When I look back on my life I remember when the Church of England took over the premises of the LCM in Dagenham Road we decided to start attending the brethren church in Birkbeck Road, Romford. The young people who attended ‘Covenanters' wanted to continue so they came with us to Birkbeck Road. We had a very happy time and again helped out with the Sunday school and introduced a summer holiday club where we had up to 60 children coming along every day, at this stage in our life we had two young children who also enjoyed the activities. We often went over the park to play and many of the children would join us. I remember one of the mothers who didn't know us at the time asking me if I was a play leader for the council as the children seemed to know us, they would be singing songs they had learnt in the holiday club.

I have many happy memories of how the Lord blessed our work. I know of Jimmy Playal who is now serving the Lord in Turkey – he wrote to me many years ago, and told me how he remembered the holiday club, and he could remember the teaching – God said it, l believe it, that settles it – I cannot know what we have done, or how God has worked through us, why He chose us, I can only say thank you Lord.

We went through hard times, World War II where our school years were disrupted by air raids, houses were bombed and many children evacuated and went to live with strangers away from their parents. Fathers were away fighting in the war where many did not return. We had food rationing and there was a shortage of everything and we always felt hungry, we were limited to two ounces of sweets a week, bread was rationed to two slices of bread a day. At Christmas, if there were any bananas or oranges in the shops they were only available for the children, 1lb for each child's ration book. During the blitz many homes were bombed during the night, you could hear the air raid sirens, the sound of gun fire, shrapnel would bounce of the houses from the shells fired from our home guard trying to hit the enemy bombers as they came over. We would go into our dugout, a small, Andersen shelter, until the all clear sounded. The shelter was about six foot by eight foot that was fitted out with bunk beds. The following morning we would go around the estate seeing all the houses that had been bombed, the women's voluntary units were out with their tea vans giving out cups of tea and sandwiches for those that had been bombed out. We would look out for any chickens that had been killed by the blast, if we found any they would end up as a special treat meal. During the war lots of people kept chickens because eggs were rationed and in short supply, we even had dried egg and milk powder. The main source of our meat ration was corned beef and although we were creative in making this into many different meals, we just got sick of it. Coal was rationed so we had coke boilers, we would have to light a small fire in the living room, and sit round the fire trying to keep warm. We made rugs for the floor out of old rags, cutting up material into strips one inch wide and three inches long, a potato sack was stretched across a frame and with a pencil two holes were made and the pieces of rag would be pushed through so the two ends to form a rug. Clothes were also rationed so we had to make do with trousers made from cut down coats, dresses were made out of flour sacks, and many children would be running around with holes in their bottoms, we used to make fun of them, saying “dickey, dickey, dirt, your shirts hanging out, one yard in and one yard out”!

At school we were told not to waste paper, if you can call it paper – it was rough woodchip, we had to use every inch, even the book covers, but when we had our exams we got nice white smooth paper which we wanted to take home with us. Many children were unable to read or write when they went to their secondary school, this is not surprising as many of them were unable to attend school because they had been bombed out of their homes, some were injured and in hospital, schools also had been bombed and therefore closed and sadly some of our school friends had been killed.

I was working as a signal box boy, training as a signalman, on the railway and remember when sweets came off the ration, we all went mad and within a week there wasn't a shop that had any sweets left, they were sold out before they could be restocked. They had to be put them back on rationing again.

Our eldest son attended Royal Liberty Grammar School, but as Barking and Dagenham went comprehensive we needed to move to Hornchurch to enable our youngest son to attend Royal Liberty. On moving to Hornchurch we started to look for a church, and found ‘Evan' in Brentwood Road to be a good family church, and in time became members and helped in the Sunday school and in various other ways.

For the past 15 years while Sylvia needed constant care l was unable to help in the church. Seven years ago Sylvia needed an endescopathy tube to feed her through her nose. I knew that her life would be improved if she could have a PEG tube fitted that would feed her directly into her stomach. It was almost impossible to get the doctors to agree to give her the operation as they considered, “her Quality of life would not be improved, by the use of a PEG tube, and that as her life expectancy was only six months, l should give my consent for the endescopathy tube to be removed, and allow Sylvia to die.” I had to fight to get Sylvia treated and after months of earnest prayer and support from Christian friends God took control.

A Christian doctor who attended St. Peters Church in Harold Wood, was aware of Sylvia's condition and told me he would be able to get Sylvia, her treatment, but that she would need to go into a nursing home because she would need nursing care and monitoring of her condition, and that it would be too much for me to handle on my own. Sylvia had the operation and moved into a nursing home and lived for another seven years, during this time she nearly died because of a chest infection and had to be admitted to hospital. I was thankful that during those seven years l was able to stay with Sylvia every day and look after her.

My wife was called home in April this year, so now l am back with the church and looking to God for where he will lead me in the next chapter of my life. He knows what is best and I have to come to terms with life without Sylvia, but after 55 years of marriage, and having both my sons living outside of the UK this will not be easy. One of my sons lives in Canada and is having treatment for a brain tumour, without which his life expectancy would be three year, however with the treatment his life expectancy could be ten years, but God is the only one who can say when we die. God has a purpose for our life, and He will work them out – I am happy to leave all things in His hands. He holds the secret to the unknown and I have learnt to trust all things to Him. My other son lives in Australia, he is an alcoholic and suffers from depression, he needs Christ in his life, but I just pray and trust in the Lord in all things. God has been with me through the difficult times of life, and l have found Him to be true, He will carry me through life, l have to allow Him to be sovereign and trust in Him.

I hope the New Year will be a new adventure, and I am again serving my Lord. We must trust in Him, for He knows all about our troubles, He will carry us through to the end, nothing can take away the joy of knowing we are His and He is ours forever. May God bless you, and I hope you can find joy in knowing Him as your saviour and friend forever.

Don Potter