The Testimony of Trisha Brown

My current testimony starts with my recent illness which started on 26 January 2005 when I was admitted to hospital with a diagnosis of viral encephalitis. During my nineteen days in hospital I started to read the book of Jeremiah as much to my shame I wasn't sure whether in all my years as a Christian I had ever read it.

I will talk a little more about Jeremiah further on but for now I just want to say that a sentence in Jeremiah 31 caught my attention. Verse 3 says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness". Yes, I appreciate that the Lord is talking about His people, the Israelites, but we are also His people now and it set me thinking about how the Lord loved me with an everlasting love and drawn me with loving-kindness into His kingdom. I will now relate some early incidences in my life which with hindsight I believe were links in the chain as He drew me to Himself.

I came from a non-Christian family, although I found out later that as a child my mother had attended Chapel morning and evening and Sunday School in the afternoon, and her mother had been a Sunday School teacher for a number of years. My grandmother fell away from Chapel after her younger daughter died.

A few years ago I discovered that my first primary school teacher was a Christian and had been for a long time. I wonder now whether she prayed for the children in her care at that time. When I was 8 I was a bridesmaid to a neighbour's daughter and my sister and myself used to go to Church (St. Paul's Harold Hill) with the bride to be to hear the banns being read. We had to go out to Sunday School where the same primary school teacher taught Sunday School. We used to memorise verses from pictures that we stuck into a booklet. We did not attend the Church or Sunday School there for long but again I presume that Mrs Langley-Fog prayed for us children in Sunday School at that time.

In 1960, when I was eight years old, I was bought a King James Version Bible with pictures in for Christmas that year by a neighbour who was not a Christian. I did start to read it and as the page that has the twenty-third Psalm on it is loose, I guess that even at that age it was becoming a favourite of mine.

When I was ten years old, I was admitted to Harold Wood Hospital with a bad asthma attack. I was on the children's ward for six weeks during which time they decided to remove my tonsils and adenoids. One day I was lying upside down on the bed with my head at the foot end looking out of the window. It was a sunny day with white clouds scudding across the sky and as children sometimes do, I was making shapes in my mind thinking that looks like a bird, rabbit etc. Then one cloud came along and on that cloud was the Lord Jesus! This memory is particularly significant later in my testimony.

There was nothing then until I was about twelve years old when I was invited along to a group of girls who met in the Brethren Hall in Athelstan Road. At one point during the evening they would pray in turns. When it came to my turn, I was very nervous and seemed to need to swallow a lot. I was very self-conscious and felt that they could all hear my swallowing. Needless to say, I did not last long there.

The next link in the chain happened when I was about fourteen years old at the Albermarle Youth Club which had opened up in Harold Hill. A friend and I used to go there several times a week. We used to play table tennis. There was this boy (Tony), who liked my friend but I liked him, who invited us down to St Peter's Church in Harold Wood. My friend and I went for two Sunday evenings. On the third Sunday evening I was with my friend again and said that it was six o'clock and we needed to start walking down to Church. My friend said that she was not going anymore. I wanted to go and went by myself. This was the beginning of fairly regular attendance at St Peter's. I was asked to join their Cypher Group (their youth group). It's still going all these years later (well not too many years!). We used to meet up once a week for Bible study at a Curate's house and on a Saturday for games in their old hall in Church Road. There I met another boy who asked me out. That lasted for ten months.

I cannot pinpoint the exact date that I became a Christian but I think it was probably some time in 1967. I do vaguely recall a sermon by one of the Curate's on Revelation 3:20, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if any man hears my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and he with me". There was a call to go to the front if we had invited the Lord into our lives or wanted to. I cannot remember whether I went or whether this was the occasion when I became a Christian.

It was a gradual realisation of the truth and that at some point I had asked the Lord into my life that led me to attend confirmation classes and on the 21 February 1968, I was confirmed by the Bishop of Barking

So you can see how through various links in the chain how the Lord drew me to Himself in an act of loving-kindness.

I then went out with another boy from the youth group. On 1 August 1969 a holiday was arranged for the youth group to go to Northern Ireland with the youth groups from St Mary's Church in Dagenham and another from Redruth in Cornwall who met us out there. St Mary's and St Peter's had one coach between them and who should be last on the coach at St Mary's? Yes you guessed – Graham. So he caught my attention early on.

The boy that I had been going out with did not come on this holiday and had given instructions to someone, who is now a good friend of ours, to look out for me. Mike feels that he failed miserably as during the week Graham asked me out and I said yes and we spent the rest of the week together. That was the year that all the troubles broke out in Northern Ireland and Graham's mum always blamed him wanting to know what he had got up to out there.

On returning home I had to confront my boyfriend. I also had another boy who I knew through my cousin in Yorkshire. He had come down to ask me out. Thanks be to God that I chose Graham and on 19 September 1970, we were married in St Peter's Church, Harold Wood.

Graham has been a faithful husband who through the years has loved and cherished me; supported and encouraged me in many ways. In particular through my nursing career and the associated academic challenges which led me to obtain my BA (Hons) degree in 1995 at the same time as we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary.

Shortly after Graham and I were married we moved to Brentwood and could not find a suitable Church that we were comfortable with. We then lapsed and for nearly two years did no go anywhere.

At this point, I was working in London for a Merchant Bank and needed to arrange some insurance for my parents. A colleague of mine was Alan Sargeant (a Member of Romford Evan at the time) who put us in touch with Derek Gardiner (also a Member of Romford Evan at that time). In September 1972, Derek came round and within a few minutes had sorted out the insurance and then, on discovering that we were Christians but not attending a Church, spent the next two hours talking about Christianity. He arranged to pick us up and take us to Brentwood Evangelical Free Church, Doddinghurst Road.

We continued to attend this Church until we moved to Harold Wood in 1982. I was baptised by total immersion during this period. Helen was born in November 1982 and Chris in February 1985. During these years we erratically attended St Peter's Church in Harold Wood and several others in the area but did not feel at home in any of them.

Attending antenatal classes when I was pregnant with Helen, I had become friendly with Karen Wilkinson who invited us along to Romford Evan. From August 1985 we have been regular attenders and later became members.

From the day I became a Christian, I always tried to read my Bible and pray daily. Yet I am conscious (with hindsight) that I did not always live my life as I should have done. But thanks be to God He always drew me back to Himself.

In 1991 following Graham's first prolonged period of redundancy, I had many questions for God. I struggled with the idea of how a loving God could allow this to happen to us. On a Church weekend in September of that year, when Graham had been redundant for over seven months, I was on the point of giving up believing in God. I expressed these sentiments to an Elder of the Church during a lengthy conversation on the Saturday night. Interestingly he said to me words to the effect that that's OK, you don't have to believe.

I went to bed and lay there saying to God, "I don't have to believe in You" (silly huh – talking to someone I didn't believe in!) Then the words of the 23rd Psalm popped into my head. As I was reciting it, I had the most amazing sense of God's presence and assurance. I just knew for certain that I could never deny the existence of God. Following that episode, I had a deeper trust in the Lord than ever before.

This was put to the test during a second period of redundancy in 1993. However, I still continued to put my trust in Him.

My next major challenge followed the death of my father in 2003. As I mentioned earlier, he was not a Christian despite some encouraging signs. He liked the 23rd Psalm and my son Chris and I would encourage him to recite it while he was in hospital and during the last night of his illness I would say to him, "trust in the Lord Dad". I still do not know whether he did and again during this distressing time, I had more questions for God.

Andrew Bryant (my Pastor) quoted from Genesis where God is talking to Abraham and He says, "will not the God of all the earth do right?" I knew what the answer should be – "Of course!" However, that wasn't how I was feeling at that time. I was struggling to pray and God seemed distant. A friend quoted from the "footprints" poem and said that "this is the time that He is carrying you". But it did not feel like that at the time.

The August Bank Holiday weekend of that year found Chris and I staying with our friends Mike and Margaret Plant in Middlesbrough. They said to me that my problem was that I was not submissive to God and was always questioning Him. These comments from both my pastor and my friends certainly challenged me.

The Sunday evening sermon was about living our lives in the light of eternity and was a turning point for me. I came to realise and was able to say "that of course the God of all the earth will do right". I also came to realise that it did not matter whether I felt God was there or not. My feelings were not an accurate indicator of the truth. The Bible tells us that "He will never leave us or forsake us" (Heb. 13) and whether we feel His presence or not is irrelevant, He is with us.

Another lesson learned. Sometimes I think that I must be a really slow learner and I wonder that God has ever had the patience with me but thanks be to God that He has.

This brings me to my testimony up to where I began with my illness, which started on 27 January 2005. Following my discharge I found that God was challenging me over a number of areas in my life that needed dealing with. With God's help I have dealt with these issues.

I have sought to show you how our great and mighty God loved and continues to love me with an everlasting love and how he has had his hand on my life and drawn me with loving kindness into His Kingdom, and how despite my waywardness and questioning at times, He has continued to love me and has never left or forsaken me.

What everyone had thought was viral encephalitis was discovered on the 4th May 2005 to be a brain tumour. I had an operation on 6th May to remove as much as possible but they were unable to remove it all because of its proximity to the brain stem.

There were several things that gave me encouragement on the morning of the operation. I refer back to the incident when I was 10 years old and the Lord Jesus had appeared to me on a cloud. On the morning of the operation, I drew back the curtain and it was a lovely sunny day with clouds scudding across the sky and it reminded me of that previous occasion. It was as if the Lord was saying to me that "I was with you then and I am with you now".

The second encouragement was from Psalm 145:13 which says that "Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made". On a previous occasion where I had been very tearful and upset over my daughter Helen being unwell and in hospital, I had read that Psalm and had been struck by the verse. That evening when my son Chris came in, I related the incident, in particular that verse to him. He replied that it was like God had given me a great big hug through that verse. Again this came to mind on the morning of the operation.

The third encouragement came indirectly from my reading of Jeremiah earlier in the year when I was in hospital. Jeremiah is about how the Israelites had turned away from the Lord to worship other gods and idols but also about His wonderful restoration. There is a tendency to align ourselves with the children of Israel and I began to wonder whether I had turned away from God. Andrew Bryant (my Pastor) visited me and on discussing this with him he encouraged me to see Jeremiah through the eyes of the New Testament, which is also about God's wonderful restoration of mankind to Himself through our precious Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Jeremiah 6:16 says, "This is what the LORD says: Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls".

That night, lying in my hospital bed, I was thanking God for all the cards that I had received and also for the number of people praying for me. My mind went to the verse in Jeremiah and I was wondering how to link it to the New Testament. I then thought of two of my favourite verses from the New Testament, Matthew 11:28-29, "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls". It then occurred to me that the good way that the Lord encourages the Israelites to walk in through Jeremiah is the way of the Lord Jesus Christ. He says that He is the way and the truth and the life (John 14:6). If you walk in this way, you will find rest for your souls. The same phrase is used in Jeremiah 6 and Matthew 11. If we are yoked to the Lord Jesus Christ, we will walk in His way as we go where He leads and guides us and we will find rest for our souls.

That morning of the operation I was pondering this and as I was being wheeled along the corridors to the operating theatre, I was thinking, "Lord if we are yoked together and if this is the path that you are leading me down, then I will go with you knowing that you are here beside me", and He was.

In the anaesthetic room I had asked if I could read some Scripture. It was the 23rd Psalm in a bookmark. I was allowed to read this and finished it just as they put me under the anaesthetic. The anaesthetist put the bookmark under my head during the operation.

I made a good post-operative recovery and went home on the fourth post-op day. However, I was re-admitted the following Saturday and on the Monday was given the news that I had hoped and prayed it would not be. I had a malignant brain tumour and would need further treatment of radiotherapy and possibly chemotherapy. At home the following day I was filled with an inexpressible joy in the Lord. Since then, He has revealed Himself to me in a new and living way.

God has revealed to me how much He loves me – "I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me... I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them" (John 17:23,26). This is how much He loves me and you if you have received the Lord Jesus into your life. He loves us as much as He loves His Son, the Lord Jesus and that love is in us. Isn't that amazing and doesn't it thrill your heart, soul and mind!

In Psalm 103:11 we read, "For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him". There are similar verses found in Psalms 86, 103 and 145 indicating how gracious and compassionate is the Lord and that He is slow to anger and abounding in love.

God cares for us. In 1 Peter 5:7 we are told to, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you". In verse 6 we are encouraged to, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand that he may lift you up in due time".

I hope that I have learned to submit to God and not question His ways. I certainly have not had the questions that some people thought I might have, myself included. I do not know what the future holds but I know that God does and I trust Him completely.

God has also revealed to me that He delights in us – "For the Lord takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with salvation". (Psalm 149:4). "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing" (Zephaniah 3:17).

I know that Jeremiah and Zephaniah are talking about His children, the Israelites but we are also His children if we have accepted the Lord Jesus Christ into our lives. "Now if we are children, then we are heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory." (Romans 8:17)

God has also revealed to me that He watches over us – "The Lord watches over all who love him" (Psalm 145:20).

Psalm 68:19 says, "Praise be to the Lord, to God our Saviour, who daily bears our burdens". If we have accepted the Lord Jesus Christ into our lives as our God and Saviour, we are yoked to Him, daily walking with Him, being guided and led by Him and He is daily bearing our burdens with us. We also knows that He loves us, cares for us, delights in us, rejoices in us and watches over us. What more could we ask for?

If you have not as yet asked the Lord Jesus into your life then now is the time to do so. You will then experience His amazing blessings in your life.

I cannot finish at this point. There is one thing more that I have to say. God is the creator and sustainer of the universe yet He is interested in mankind; He is interested in you and me. We have a great and mighty God. He is just amazing, incredible, awesome, majestic. There are just not the words to adequately describe how magnificent and loving a God we have, but what we can do is give Him the praise that is due to His Name. PRAISE THE LORD!

My ambition is to get as many people as possible to praise the Lord. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the whole world were to praise the Lord. How wonderful it is going to be in heaven when we will be able to praise the Lord with the whole company of heaven.

I would like anyone reading this testimony to praise the Lord.

P R A I S E   T H E   L O R D  !

Postscript
God was very gracious to Trisha and gave her the strength to attend Chris and Hannah's wedding just before Christmas 2005 and even to be the final speaker. Following a wonderful family Christmas Day we had a brief break in Yorkshire and Scotland over the New Year period.

In January 2006, Trisha was taken back to hospital with severe vomiting and spent the best part of three days in a coma. A MRI scan revealed that the tumour had re-grown as we had been warned it would. The surgeon wanted to operate to provide temporary relief from inter-cranial pressure but Trisha was adamant that she wouldn't go through that again. The type of tumour she had was particularly aggressive and would certainly have grown again and so we decided as a family not to go against Trisha's own feelings and to look after her at home. We spent the last few weeks of her life downstairs – she in her hospital bed and me in my Z-bed. Trisha died on 29th January 2006 with those she loved around her

Graham Brown